My Love Is Your Love

Why do I feel like a part of my history died yesterday with Whitney Houston?  I wonder if anyone else feels that way?  For me, Whitney’s music was a part of the soundtrack of my 80s and 90s.  With pretty much every major event in my life, there was a Houston song that was playing in the background.

‘You Give Good Love’ was the first song I heard by Whitney, and while it was a bit on slow side for my fast-ass at the time, the voice was a different matter, it was pure and powerful.   While Whitney racked up an impressive list of songs that followed, it was ‘So Emotional’ that caught and held my attention.  I had just returned to the States from being stationed in England for 2 years.  Those 2 years  were wonderful for the most part, but I had been living under the double whammy of religious convictions and the military.  In England I had no where to express a big part of myself.  I missed dancing… a lot.  I missed the former days before I joined the Air Force when I would hop in my car or borrow one and head out to Waco.  Tallulah’s was the gay bar in Waco where I went to be with people like myself; people who wanted to dance, drink and have sex.  While  initially I felt awkward there, eventually  I felt more at home and connected there.  When I joined the Air Force, I left all that behind, I had to.  But in 1988, when I returned to the US, I was determined to reconnect with that experience… and I did, in a big way.  I was stationed at Dyess AFB in Abilene Texas, but on weekends, I would head out on a three and a half hour drive to Waco to return to Tallulah’s.  I also found out a new gay bar had opened up since I left, I’m pretty sure it was called the Cactus Rose.  It was there I met some wonderful and interesting people… I was back on track, and extremely happy about it.  I felt alive again and first and foremost, music was my constant companion back then.  Characters entered and left the stage, but the soundtrack was always there; the music that I will always identify with that period.  Songs that today can remind me of what it felt like back then to be so happy and carefree.  One that stuck out above the rest was Whitney’s ‘So Emotional’, it was great! Upbeat and full of life… like me back then.  I still get a little bit of that feeling today when I hear it.

As I entered the 90s, I also entered my first serious relationship.  My relationship with Charles was complicated yet exciting.  It was full of intense emotions for me, and as always, music was my ultimate comforter.  Again, Whitney’s music was there.  I remember at the start of our relationship, I easily feel under the spell of ‘All The Man I Need’, lol… I knew it was written about us, and more to the point, it was how I felt.  The thing about this song is it reminds me of a time when I could love recklessly, crazy… stupid love.  I can’t love like that now… I’ve taken too many hits over the years and I just can’t do it, even if I wanted to.  But I can remember how it felt to be that way.  Loving like that means you’re experiencing all the mountain top highs and death valley lows. It means your living life to it’s absolute fullest.

Music soothes the soul so they say. It does for me. In one of the darker moments of my relationship with Charles, I felt alone and lost with little support. Again, music was my self-prescribed medicine, and again, Whitney was a part of it.  In the winter of 1992, I felt cold.  That’s how I remember it, feeling cold.  I also remember riding in my car and hearing ‘I Will Always Love You’ for the first time. I recognized the song; it was Dolly’s, a song that made a HUGE impression on me back in the early 80s when Dolly recorded it a second time for the soundtrack of ‘The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas’.  I played the shit out of that little 45. Now Whitney had recorded it… what was she thinking?  Okay, so I had a bit of a grudge about it, but there was another song off ‘The Bodyguard’ soundtrack that hit home. ‘Run To You’ will always be engrained in my mind as a bittersweet reminder that time in my life.

When our relationship ended the first time, again I was free, but hurt. I tried to fix that in all the wrong ways, I lived hard and it took it’s toll in a very short time period.  By September of 95, I had lost my job and was completely and utterly ruined.  Then Charles offered to move me to Utica New York from Abilene, and I took him up on that. Why I did that is a story for another time but for whatever reason there was, I, more than anything needed to get out of Texas. If I hadn’t, I would have died. It was that blunt and clear. So, I started over in New York. This time the soundtrack was again bright, but yet a bit more war-torned. ‘Exhale’ said it the loudest, it was time to let go of Texas and relax and enjoy a new beginning. It was soothing yet focused. I needed those things in my life during that period of my life.

The mid to late 90s was probably the most interesting period of my life; a time full of horrific and wonderful experiences. There’s a lot I have to say about that period, but again, that’s really for another time. What I will say is that I made it through my new beginning. Every beggining has an ending, and mine came in the form of Mike, my husband.  He brought an end to that period of searching, with his love. I was a bit slow to respond (by my standards anyway ;), but shortly, I gave in to him.  The music this time was full of hope, excitement and joy… time to dance! Two songs by Whitney were present for this party, ‘Step By Step’ and ‘My Love Is Your Love’. I played ‘Step By Step’ on the jukebox at That Place just so we all could dance together. Mike and me, Tony and John… we danced to Whitney… and it was good J. 

At the risk of embarrassing my husband, I have to share why ‘My Love Is Your Love’ is one of my favorite, if not favorite song of Whitney’s. The version I will consider the official version is the Jonathan Peters Remix. This was the version we danced to at That Place. Mike told me that song reminded him of us.  Well… he might as well just have engraved it in stone, it was our song! It still brings a smile to my face, to hear it and remember that exciting new experience; the experience of having someone love me that in such a new and wonderful way.

So there you have it, my musical trek with Whitney Houston and why her music has meant so much to me. It’s sad to think there won’t be any more music, but even sadder to know that we have lost a beautiful voice that was such a big part of so many lives. Although she’s gone, her voice will always be with us.

RIP Whitney 2012

Jaoyte